How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend? Thomas Zerbarini Comments...

My answer to How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

Well said Lexa.

I can relate to the fact that an insecure partner can have detrimental affects on a relationship. I had partner that was extremely jealous and with low self-confidence. I would experience awful accusations and false suspicions all the time. It was extremely embarrassing and frustrating. I found myself avoiding phone calls with my partner around my crew or in public places to stave off the accusatory questions of "who is that girls voice?" and "what, are you going out with your flight attendant tonight?"

My partners behavior made me less and less interested in her over time and eventually apathy took over and the relationship was doomed.

As a pilot that frequently spends numerous overnights with the crew, and many times they are female, going out to dinner or exploring the area is normal and a friendly way to make your trip enjoyable. Sometimes, I would insist that the crew stay together and have meals together for security reasons in a hostile downtown area.

Likewise, when my partner would go on business trips they were almost always all men. I would expect her to have meals and spend free time with the gentlemen with which she was traveling.

I trusted my partner and had no reason not to trust her. It made me secure in myself and in my understand of the relationship.

My partner didn't and couldn't trust; it fed her lack of self confidence. She should have trusted me because there was no reason not to. Since she chose not to trust, it consumed her and drove a wedge between us. Toward the end, she was hunting for anything to confirm her false suspicions. She was hell bent to prove she was right all along and would not rest until she came up with her ah-ha moment.

So, if you don't have trust in your partner, don't have a relationship with him/her. Further, if your expectations are that your partner never have opposite sex friends or casual professional outings amongst co-workers, then don't engage in a relationship.

Of course some people are not trustworthy and will cheat or be unfaithful. It's just not worth the anxiety and worry to not trust anyone. Start with trust and build on it. If overtime their actions prove untrustworthy, then confront it, forgive it and/or end it and move on. Worry and distrust in a relationship is prime ingredient for failure.

Thomas Zerbarini

How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?