How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend? Thomas Zerbarini Comments...

My answer to How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

Well said Lexa.

I can relate to the fact that an insecure partner can have detrimental affects on a relationship. I had partner that was extremely jealous and with low self-confidence. I would experience awful accusations and false suspicions all the time. It was extremely embarrassing and frustrating. I found myself avoiding phone calls with my partner around my crew or in public places to stave off the accusatory questions of "who is that girls voice?" and "what, are you going out with your flight attendant tonight?"

My partners behavior made me less and less interested in her over time and eventually apathy took over and the relationship was doomed.

As a pilot that frequently spends numerous overnights with the crew, and many times they are female, going out to dinner or exploring the area is normal and a friendly way to make your trip enjoyable. Sometimes, I would insist that the crew stay together and have meals together for security reasons in a hostile downtown area.

Likewise, when my partner would go on business trips they were almost always all men. I would expect her to have meals and spend free time with the gentlemen with which she was traveling.

I trusted my partner and had no reason not to trust her. It made me secure in myself and in my understand of the relationship.

My partner didn't and couldn't trust; it fed her lack of self confidence. She should have trusted me because there was no reason not to. Since she chose not to trust, it consumed her and drove a wedge between us. Toward the end, she was hunting for anything to confirm her false suspicions. She was hell bent to prove she was right all along and would not rest until she came up with her ah-ha moment.

So, if you don't have trust in your partner, don't have a relationship with him/her. Further, if your expectations are that your partner never have opposite sex friends or casual professional outings amongst co-workers, then don't engage in a relationship.

Of course some people are not trustworthy and will cheat or be unfaithful. It's just not worth the anxiety and worry to not trust anyone. Start with trust and build on it. If overtime their actions prove untrustworthy, then confront it, forgive it and/or end it and move on. Worry and distrust in a relationship is prime ingredient for failure.

Thomas Zerbarini

How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?

How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?

How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend? by Lexa Michaelides Answer by Lexa Michaelides:

How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?

TL;DR of details: Sometimes boyfriend has stayovers and hangs out with the crew (which includes women) when he's in another country. Recently he hung out with two female flight attendants and they went longboarding and swimming in bikinis. Boyfriend didn't tell OP that it was just him and two women.

I was angry because he dint bother to tell me anything after i found out and confronted him he just blamed it all on me and told me to stop asking so much questions , he started blaming the whole problem on me and then hungup on me over the phone.

I am in a tough situation here, am i wrong for being angry because he did not tell me properly that he just ended up with two girls ?? He had a choice and like he already has a girlfriend and i find this abit inapropriate. Because i know he wont even like it if i went out with guys alone without telling him.

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This has nothing to do with your partner being a pilot and everything to do with insecurity and lack of communication on both of your parts.

If your partner wouldn't be happy with you going out with your guy friends, he's insecure and jealous. People are allowed to have friends. It's important to have friends. Sometimes friends are of the gender that we happen to be attracted to. That doesn't mean anything because they're friends not lovers or partners. If you're not happy about your partner hanging out with his friends, you're being jealous and insecure as well. What else do you expect him to do, only go out when the men outnumber the women? Sit in his hotel room alone, staring at a photograph of you and crying because he's not allowed to interact with other women now that he has a girlfriend?

Do you two have an agreement where you have to tell one another before hanging out with people of the opposite sex? No? Then he didn't have to tell you that he was hanging out with women, just like you don't have to tell him when you're hanging out with men. You're just hanging out with friends, there's nothing dangerous or scary about that. Either the fear is entirely in your own mind because of your own insecurity or your partner is not trustworthy and therefore not worth your time.

It's childish of you to expect him not to hang out alone with women. It's childish if he would be angry at you for hanging out alone with men. It was childish for you to "confront" him about something that isn't wrong and childish of him to blame the issue on you and hang up instead of discussing it.

He had a choice and like he already has a girlfriend and i find this abit inapropriate.

Please tell me what's inappropriate about having friends while you're in a relationship. Please explain to me why you think that someone has to choose between their partner and having friends of the same gender as their partner. If you trust your partner, neither of those are issues. If you don't trust your partner, then your partner is the issue, not the friendships they have with other people.

Be secure in your relationships or get new relationships.

How do I cope with having a pilot as a boyfriend?