General Aviation = Freedom in America!

General Aviation is a hidden gem for Americans. The Freedom to fly anywhere at anytime here in the United States is such a privilege afforded to us because of our American Liberties and Freedom. I am proud to say over these last few years I have become more proud and respectful for my Freedom and Constitutional Rights.

Thomas E. Zerbarini

Check-out more photos of my days adventure: Tom Zerbarini Flying

What are spoilers used for on a plane, and when are they used?

There are two category uses of aircraft spoilers, Flight Spoilers and Ground Lift Dumping. It’s easy to figure out which one is used for in flight and which one is for on the ground.

Spoilers

Flight spoilers are merely designed to increase drag and reduce (or dump) lift. All modern airliners are designed to have the least amount of drag from the airframe to increase fuel efficiency and range. Modern jetliners typically have 2 to 8 spoiler panels per wing depending on the size of the jetliner.

Spoilers in flight have several uses to assist the pilot in controlling his/her airplane. When a pilot wants to slow down and/or descend quickly, that low drag design can be a hindrance to doing so. Flight Spoilers (Speed Brakes) give the pilot the ability to increase drag thereby allowing the pilot slow down and/or descend at a faster rate. In flight, the aircraft typically uses one or two spoiler panels per wing.

Another important use of Flight spoilers is roll control and controlling adverse yaw. Spoilers in combination with ailerons help the pilot smoothly control turns to make them more stable and comfortable.

Spoilers on the ground have one specific use, Lift Dumping for Landing roll and aborted takeoffs. The efficient design of an aircraft wing creates lift at all times the aircraft is moving through the air. The faster the plane moves forward, the greater the lift created. This lift, even when the airplane is not airborne, reduces the weight on the wheels. Again, the more lift being created, the less weight on the wheels during landing or takeoff.

This reduced amount of weight on wheels lowers the braking action or effectiveness of the wheel brakes and significantly increases the required length of runway to stop a heavy jet, (up to 200% more runway). Aircraft designers have designed Ground Spoilers for use when landing and aborting takeoff to dramatically reduce landing distance and directional control.

Thomas Zerbarini

GIF’s from: Spoilers: How 1 Control Helps You Descend, Stop And Roll

Happy Birthday John Zerbarini!

May 25, 2017

Today is my youngest sons 6th Birthday. I miss him so very much since he's been away these grueling 1046 days. I miss the time lost and taken from us. I miss his little voice in the morning while I made coffee asking, "play with me Daddy, play cars and trains with me Daddy?"

First Officer John Zerbarini in the cockpit of a BE200 with Thomas Zerbarini. I'm sure he liked the plane more than the little bag of cookies. Win Win!

I built my boys a play table for trains and cars that my older son Matthew handed down to John. He loved that table and all the fun things we would build together. He would spend hours on that table in his own little world and imagination much like I did when I was 4 years old.

John and I lost that table and all his cars and trains in the midst of our family crisis. I've been searching and piecing together those lost classic matchbox cars and Thomas wooden trains ever since. He loved those battery operated engines. It was nice to see him so excited about them.

Holding my little big boy on the Disney bus.

I would say to him: I have my own private Birthday wish for you John and I'm sure its the same as yours too. I would pick you up and give you the biggest hug and kisses for your Birthday and would never let you go the whole day. I Love you so very much my Birthday boy, my "Big Boy!"

Love Daddy

Thomas ZerbariniHapp

It's Never Too Late to Make a Change

This heartfelt story from an alienator that lost the most precious things in her life is a powerful message. She identifies the source of her own personal motivation: she believes she is right and justified in her behavior. She only "see's and listens to" things and people that support her beliefs. Once down that rabbit hole Alice, it's hard to see and hear the facts and truth. It's hard to come back to reality, though its not impossible.

It's never too late to step back, look at the big picture and listen to your heart and the good intensions and Love from the other parent. If the alienated parent is honorably fighting to see their children, you better believe they LOVE those kids just as much as you do and has their best interest in their hear and mind.

This article is worth the read for anyone involved in alienating children from another parent.
>>>

I Would Give Anything to Go Back

(Not the actual author, in order to protect her identity)
Author: A grieving mother
Editor: Ben Willaims
Date: 4/19/2016 (Re-post)

I saw you guys in the Huffington Post, and I wanted to share my story so you can share this with every single parent you possibly can. I’m no role model, but my message is important. There isn’t much that angers me anymore, except when two parents can’t set their differences aside and do what is best for THEIR child. I’ll be blunt. I was an "alienator". I played the whole ‘false allegations’, and ‘he did this’, ‘he did that’ game, which was encouraged by my lawyer.

I DID think that she was more “mine” than she was “his” because I loved her so very much. I wanted to mold her into what I wanted her to be. I didn’t think there was anyone who could care for her or love her like I could. I can’t tell you why I thought that or what could have changed my mind back then. But, because of MY selfish actions, I lost custody of my precious baby girl when she was 6. This is why your story in the news really hit home with me. It brought me to tears for everyone involved. I was so caught up in bitterness and being right, that I stopped seeing my little girl. I hated my ex so much, and I hated that he “won” even more. I cried every single day. And, I had to play the victim. Pity from others was the only thing bringing me comfort at that time. It’s behavior that, now, is hard for me to even comprehend. I don’t think I’m a bad person? At least, I certainly never intended to be.

It had been almost 5 months since I had seen my little girl when she and her Dad were hit by a semi truck. She was 7. I died that day too. Even then, I tried to blame him for it. Initially at least. I needed someone to blame. Now, I struggle daily to not blame myself. Obviously, I’m not saying that my little girl and her Dad would still be here today if I had done things differently, …but when they were hit, they were on their way to see her Counselor… no doubt, it was counseling needed because of MY actions. So, that is tough for me to swallow.

PARENTS, life is so short! And it can be taken in an instant! Life is never easy, and relationships are never easy. But, you need to figure it out! You DO NOT love your child more, and you aren’t the better parent. You are not helping your child by keeping them from half of their family, I don’t care what your lame, self-centered excuse is. We all have our good qualities, and we all have our problems. Perfectly imperfect. And, when YOU choose to fight and withhold your child, this is bringing out the worst in YOU anyway, so then your child has no positive role model in their life at all.

Learning about what my ex went through during the alienation and learning what a great father he was, was devastating to me. Simply because I couldn’t get past “my issues” and figure out how to communicate, I had to learn after his death what a great man he was and how much pain I caused him and our daughter. Don’t wait until you’re in my shoes and all you’re left with is thinking “I wish I could have the chance to do things differently.” There’s only one reasonable excuse for you to say “I can’t make things better TODAY” … and that is when death takes that opportunity from us. Everyone else, you have absolutely NO excuse.

Source: https://www.timetoputkidsfirst.org/i-would-give-anything-to-go-back

Thomas Zerbarini

What's your opinion on United Airlines forcing a passenger to give up his seat?

What's your opinion on United Airlines forcing a passenger to give up his seat?

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

Unfortunately, it's an airline industry practice. You'll notice that the airlines with the cheaper fare structures bump the most passengers because the have to push full capacity on the airplane to make up for the lower fares.

Every flight has a history of passenger "no shows." To avoid significant lost revenue the airline tracks flights and determines the average number of passengers that do not show up for the flight. The airline will then consider overbooking seats equevalant to the average no-show amount to fill the airplane. The alternative is non-refundable tickets if you "no show" for your flight. Even if your late and just miss your flight.

Airlines often oversell flights, end up bumping passengers

I wonder if the airlines will come up with a better way to handle this. Maybe better statistical analysis, designating bump rate tickets, standby tickets, more high price refundable tickets and/or less cheap seats.

As far as the behavior by the passenger and the airport security officer, I believe the behavior was deplorable. It should not have escalated this far. The passenger should have never been boarded in the first place if there was a chance of him or anyone getting bumped. This is a customer service problem that became a security and safety problem that the Captain and crew had to consider.

Since the matter escalated and the passenger refused to follow crew instructions and became adamant in refusing to deplane and cooperate, the passenger has to be considered a safety/security risk for the flight by the Captain.

As captain and crew we absolutely hate these situations. When possible mistakes or poor customer service, weather delays, maintenance delays, over-bookings etc… happen, it can escalate passenger stress and frustrations. I’m certain this incident will be investigated thoroughly and new protocols and staff training will be put in place to mitigate these escalations in the future and hopefully handle over-bookings more efficiently.

Thomas Zerbarini

What's your opinion on United Airlines forcing a passenger to give up his seat?

We should be Living for Giving to each other.

I think Tim is experiencing, in a way, what I have experienced these last few years.



My plight is a little more dramatic than Tim's; but, what I'm learning is essentially the same.



I have experienced betrayal, loss, anguish and uncertainty. Instead of lashing out and losing myself to sadness, I've chosen to embrace and learn more from myself and how and why people live and act the way they do. I want to understand people and our relationships. Even in great despair, war, family loss there is always the ability to find Joy and happiness in our hearts and not succumb to hate and anger. It's more uplifting to smile and help someone, be kind and considerate.



I've found that those whom have lost so much or have little for themselves tend to be the first to give, help and lift other up.



Keep going Tim. It's uplifting to see more positive "giving" stories about how we help each other.

This is a question for Thomas Zerbarini, and anyone else with his sort of knowledge. But recently I have been reading that the new concept of wing design is not forward sweep at all but rather a morphing wing that bends and twists the wings which is what the Wright brothers first aircraft actuall did (funny how we’re looking at old ideas only to find they may be better!). Any thoughts on this?

Hi Fred,

Great points.

Old ideas, better yet nature, are great sources for engineering ideas.

Forward swept is a fairly old concept. The main purpose was to explore the use of “instability” as a practical method of achieving superior maneuverability.

When considering designs and their applications, engineers and the bean counters weigh the pros and cons of the feasibility of the design. As you can imagine politics and salesmenship are a big influence too.

As for the morphing wing, I’m intrigued MIT concept and design. It looks promising. The weight advantages and aerodynamic advantages stick out as the driving force behind the success of the morphing wing. the initial concerns I have at first would be how and where would the fuel be stored in that wing? Also, How strong are the connections with the small structures that make up the internal sections of the wing? I’m looking forward to reading more about this MIT design development.



I also found another NASA tested design using a Gulfstream GIII for trailing edge flaps. this single application would most likely be the first application of a morphing wing. The weight savings and aerodynamic efficiency gain from this application would ease manufacturers, pilots and public into the innovative design.


If the morphing wing can be engineered as a sound and safe design application, it will revolutionize aviation much like the jet engine.

Thomas E Zerbarini

How do I control my four year old's anger/awful behavior at home?

Helping a young child with behavior issues can be difficult and stressful. It is important to keep in perspective that anger is an expressive emotion for the child and it is not wrong to be angry.

 

Emotions, of course, are our expression and reaction to our surroundings and environment and that is completely normal and expected. A child’s expression of anger is typically how they express sadness and frustration.

I find that The Child Development Institute has a great article on how to understand and approach helping a child to express and cope with anger and frustration feelings.

Here is a great bullet point or checklist to consider when addressing an angry and/or upset child:

• Catch the child being good.
• Deliberately ignore “the behavior,” not the child that can be tolerated.
• Provide physical outlets and other alternatives.
• Manipulate the surroundings, substitute the “problem activity(ies).
• Use closeness and touching, even a soft voice and calming tone.
• Be ready to show affection (if psychologically appropriate.)
• Ease tension through humor.
• Appeal directly to the child. Express your feelings and kneel down at their level.
• Explain situations, especially the one causing the stress.
• Use physical restraint (when appropriate) and/or remove child from environment.
• Encourage children to see their strengths as well as their weaknesses.
• Use promises and rewards, not bribery. (I’d stay away from food or candy rewards)
• Say “No!” Establish limits and boundaries children can function freely within.
• Tell the child that you accept his/her angry feelings, but offer other suggestions for expressing them.
• Build a positive self-image.
• Use punishment cautiosly (never physical.)
• Model appropriate behavior.
• Teach children to express themselves verbally.

Click on the link below for the full article and more on this topic.

Overcome Anger Issues In Children & Take Back Your Family!

Thomas Zerbarini

How do I control my four year old's anger/awful behavior at home?

Don't be so quick to judgment!

In many high profile industries like sports, aviation and alike there is magnetic appeal to report in the media disparaging blame and judgement of fault or guilt upon the key players, pilots or accused in the matter at question. After all, where's the news unless you can hang someone right?

Well, a pilot in a recent aviation incident felt compelled to voice his dissent in the media, and societies quickness to accuse him as the failure or at fault for the incident/accident that ensued.

Aviation is a strange profession. I love it to death, but the strange part is that if I meet my end in my line of work, it's most likely that I'll be blamed.

I'll be blamed long before any proof is brought forward. I'll be blamed by the media, by the people. I'll be blamed by the passengers if they survive. In a week the data recorders will be analysed and then maybe they'll find that it's not my fault. That I fought for hope amidst hopelessness till my dying breath.

Sadly that won't make as good a headline as much as "pilot error", or "pilot veers off runway when aligning for takeoff".

In fact, it was nothing to do with aligning that brought this ill-fated crew to a halt just short the peripheral wall at Dabolim yesterday (December 27).

How I wish I could explain concepts of asymmetric thrust to the number of people passing silent judgment and being armchair jurors. How do I tell someone about how much thrust 27,000 odd pounds is? How do I reiterate what a reverser unlock is? How do I tell the person that the same 27,000 pounds is now in an opposite direction?

Most of the crowd probably doesn't even know what a moment arm or a couple is. They dropped physics in 8th grade as it was too complex. That said, they blame the human machine who earns his bread and butter, putting into practice what they felt was too complicated.

Jet Airways Goa-Mumbai flight, which skid off the runway on December 27.

To be honest it's disgusting - flying this kind of passenger and taking responsibility for his life for however long it may be.

How do I explain not being able to see three taxiway lights in front of me to a crowd that says, "anyway you autoland in fog"? How?

It's at the brink of frustration that I'm writing this. Back in the day, an old grey instructor told me, "Son, in this world of civil aviation, its best to be a nameless faceless pilot who does his job and goes home!"

I probably didn't understand it then but now, more than ever, I totally understand. The sad part is it doesn't matter if it is a Cactus 1511 with Sully or the 9W aircraft.

Sadly, with technology improving in the home and workplace, the human has become the weak link. Sometimes one must note that the human is the strongest link. Without them shutting down the malfunctioning engine, the plane might have gone into the terminal, increasing the statistics of loss of life

As an appeal to the non-aviation public, believe that we as pilots love what we do and would never put anyone's life in jeopardy. We are sons, daughters, wives, husbands, parents, just like you. We haven't fallen from the realm of Asgard into the helm of these metal ships. It takes years of hard work to achieve it.

Media folk, this is an appeal to you: It's you who have sensationalised our profession with scandals, malpractices, and so on. Paint the right picture of pilots worldwide. Tell people that we are there to save lives, not take them. Make an honest effort to redeem your name when you're standing at heaven's gates, or you'll probably have the boatman remove you from the boat.

Educate the masses - who you manipulate to get more views - to the actual facts of thrust, lift, weight and drag. Tell them, from start to finish, what happens from takeoff to touchdown.

Do tell them that when they see the wind looping out of the window and the tip moving, there is a hand guiding this giant metal bird through the skies.

Stop judging: Pilot of Jet Airways Goa runway crash writes a strong letter

 We see this same quickness to judge in many high profile or sensitive emotional subject including false rap, assault or sexual abuse that can quickly cause hysterical responses to further inflame the false accusation and sensations the rumors, gossip and worst of all press and public opinion.

As a professional pilot and parent of four young children, I witness these types of allegations and false opinions placed upon my peers all the time and its immensely frustrating. Eventually we can get the truth uncovered and the facts laid out for all to see. The damage has been done already, in most cases, when false allegations and disparaging claims are made in knee-jerk haste to capitalize on the media impact or personal attack.

It usually takes years to repair the damage caused by these unsubstantiated quick judgements. Just imagine the irreparable harm it causes to young children as well if they are involved in the blame and shame somehow in domestic situations.

I think this pilots appeals are sound. I believe its a good message and should be expanded towards all areas that require un-biased investigative work and science based facts and findings to get to the real truth(s) before passing judgements. Especially in high profile cases where the media can easily get into the weeds.

Thomas Zerbarini

Also see: Why was Crystal Mangum, in the Duke lacrosse case not prosecuted for false allegations and lying?

How can I learn to open up to my parents?

How can I learn to open up to my parents? Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

Hi Sugat,

Thanks for allowing me to address your question.

It sounds like you and your parents can use a little help with compassionate communication skills. Even if your parents are not completely dedicated or interested in developing better communication skills, you can fully embrace the idea and work on getting in touch with your compassionate communication.

I think you’ll find that once you begin to develop compassionate communication you’ll find that the ADHD, anxiety and depressive “pathologies” may diminish.

I’d like to suggest that you read Dr. Marshal B Rotenburgs book Nonviolent Communication.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd Edition: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) - Kindle edition by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Deepak Chopra. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

The books preface includes:

An enlightening look at how peaceful communication can create compassionate connections with family, friends, and other acquaintances, this international bestseller uses stories, examples, and sample dialogues to provide solutions to communication problems both at home and in the workplace. Guidance is provided on identifying and articulating feelings and needs, expressing anger fully, and exploring the power of empathy in order to speak honestly without creating hostility, break patterns of thinking that lead to anger and depression, and communicate compassionately. Included in the new edition is a chapter on conflict resolution and mediation.

The book also comes with a companion workbook, (I have not read through this yet).

Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook, 2nd Edition: A Practical Guide for Individual, Group, or Classroom Study (Nonviolent Communication Guides) - Kindle edition by Lucy Leu. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

You read and work through this material with or without your parents. It will also compliment any therapy or professional visits you currently attend or plan to attend.

This book was suggested to me to better get in touch with the more challenging people with which I have to communicate and have relationships. I’ve found that many times the frustrations, anger or depression is due to being unable to affectively communicate our wants and needs. Therefore, what happens is our needs and wants are not being met and our inners person and our relationships suffer.

At the very least, read the sample you can view on Amazon and/or on your Kindle.

I hope that this idea helps and interests you. The book is a very good read and I believe that we can all benefit from approaching all our life’s challenges (even the most difficult) with a positive perspective and desire for a positive solution and outcome.

Thomas Zerbarini

How can I learn to open up to my parents?

Why was Crystal Mangum, in the Duke lacrosse case not prosecuted for false allegations and lying?

Why was Crystal Mangum, the lying accuser in the false Duke lacrosse case not prosecuted?

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

False allegations of rape, molestation or inappropriate conduct are very easy claims to make and very difficult to disprove. Further, almost all false accusers go unpunished because the prosecution fails to file charges against the illegal acts. This further promotes more false accusation because the false accuser knows it is highly unlikely they will be prosecuted for their lies.

In contrast, most prosecutors don’t want to file charges against false accusations of sexual abuse or physical abuse. They claim it would, “set a precedence for victims not to come forward.”

Take a look at this article:

A Skeptic Reads the Newspaper: The Anatomy of False Accusations: A Skeptical Case Study - Center for Inquiry

You’ll find it reads to inform us about the anatomy of false allegations and the chilling consequences of an indifferent accuser. It highlights the behavior pattern and mental state found in most false accusers. The accuser never really considers the severe consequences of their actions and the pandoras box of hysteria that follows. There is clear pathology and behavior patterns that suggest weak moral compass in these accusers.

Probably the most difficult prospect facing a false accuser is not that they will be caught in a lie, it’s admitting they are wrong and misrepresented the truth. The false accuser is typically showered with attention, sympathy, support and financial gain. Family and friends rally behind them and the snowball effect of showering the victim(s) with support services and the financial backing of the justice sytem reinforce the false accusers need to hide the lie.

It is very easy to destroy someone with false allegations. It has become a defense strategy and weapon in relationships, marriages and custody battles. The most important factor in these allegations is an unbiased, well educated and thorough investigation like the one in the article above. Unfortunetely, most investigations are not conducted properly. They are conducted with a bias for the accusor(s), many times with untrained investigators or botched investigations. Much like the Duke case, you’ll find an overzealous prosecutor seeking attention and/or votes and playing to the “tough on crime” mantra and putting all accussed of sex crimes, innocent or not, “behind bars.”

There is a movement towards accountability and prosecution of these false accusers. I believe their should be accountability and checks-and-balances that are enforced. False allegations destroy lives, make victims of us all and drains our legal system of investigating real crimes. We should all be well informed and rational when it comes to these serious topics.

Thomas Zerbarini

Why was Crystal Mangum, the lying accuser in the false Duke lacrosse case not prosecuted?

How do I become a pilot? I am looking forward to becoming one, but I am very lost…please help!

My answer to How do I become a pilot? I am looking forward to becoming one, but I am very lost…please help

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

I remember when I was in high school trying to figure out how to become an airline pilot. It all seems so elusive until I started asking questions and digging around like you are doing now.

Let me start off by saying I think your going after a Civil Engineering degree is a great idea. It really doesn't matter what degree you have when you want to become an airline pilot. It does make it easier to master more knowledge of the aviation industry if you get an aviation degree; but, you can study aviation at your leisure. Studying what you love is always easy.

I’ll share with you a previous post that gives links to aviation college resources and aviation flight schools as well. I would recommend visiting several colleges and schools and ask lots of questions. Prepare a folder with questions and a pad to write down you thoughts and observations when visiting.

The main obstacle for most pilot students is the financing and cost of flight training. You will find when you contact the flight schools and colleges that the “lab fees” or “flight training fees” are a big additional cost.

Consider going to a college that offers the civil degree and aviation flight degrees. I recommend this because when you are in college and get you flight training in college, you can use your financial aid and student loans for much of your training costs. Otherwise, you’ll have to self fund all of your flight training.

It is also a good idea to map out you post college and post training goals for gaining experience and your first commercial flying job. As an airline pilot you’ll need 1500 hours of flight time before the airlines can hire you. So, consider being a flight instructor, cargo pilot, bush pilot, etc… Be sure to ask questions on placement assistance and job search for graduates when you go to the schools.

What are the steps of becoming an airline pilot and how much time will it take?

How do I become a pilot?

I hope this helps.

Thomas Zerbarini

How do I become a pilot? I am looking forward to becoming one, but I am very lost…please help

My answer to How do I deal with accidental pregnancy and unexpected fatherhood? Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

Embrace it and enjoy the ride. It will be hard, it will be challenging and it will be rewarding too.

Don’t give up on your goals and dreams and your education. Especially, don’t give up on being involved with your baby and the mother. You must have interest and care for the mother, continue to work on that. There are support groups and resources available for new parents to take advantage of and help process the life changing event.

[caption id="attachment_704" align="alignnone" width="225"] Daddy's Love their Babies![/caption]

Ask for help! Be positive! Strive to be a good Father.

Search the internet for new Dad, Parent support groups.

Here’s a great article on how much a fathers involvement in a childs pregnancy, delivery and upbringing tremendously increases the outcome and success of the child, mother and father tremendously:

Working Dad: Do dads really need support groups?

Thomas Zerbarini

How do I deal with accidental pregnancy and unexpected fatherhood?

How can I best support my 4-year-old son who wants to wear a girls costume for Halloween?

My answer to How can I best support my 4-year-old son who wants to be a Rainbow Dash fairy princess for Halloween? Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

Well, if he has his heart set on that costume and completely understands that others may laugh and snicker, I think that’s GREAT! If it makes him happy and creative that is a great reason to support his decision.

I personally would get dressed up in my costume and wear it when dropping him off and picking him up at school. I’d probably dress up as a superhero like superman or maybe a minion or maybe Megamind...

Have fun with that one and enjoy Halloween.

Thomas Zerbarini

How can I best support my 4-year-old son who wants to be a Rainbow Dash fairy princess for Halloween?

Are some mothers jealous of their daughters?

Answer by Karpagavalli Krishnan:

Unfortunately such mothers do exist.

My friend Kala was the youngest and the only daughter in their home. She arrived quite late in the family, an unplanned surprise.

Kala shared a very special bond with her father, like a lot of girls do. They go out together on hot evenings to have ice creams and for movies on the weekend. He helped her with her Maths and Physics and knew all her friends. Personally, I had huge admiration for the man.

She was her father’s favorite and that caused a lot of jealousy.

Her mother would insist that she sits in the middle seat whenever they go for movies and would want to give inputs during her lessons. It got worse when she grew up as her mother would dictate what she should wear and how she should behave with her father. Innocent hugs and pecks on cheeks were not as innocent anymore.

Her mother would sulk and act passive aggressive in her presence and refused to attend any events that involved her. That means her father would come for her recitations, sports day, report card day and others, while her mother sulk at home.

It made her feel apprehensive whenever she was around her parents. It felt like walking on thin ice. She was careful of what she’d spoke to her father in front of her and would limit her physical gestures.

Even long after her father’s demise, her mother accuses her for stealing her father away from her in a very subtle manner. She’d say things like how her father missed their anniversary celebration because it was her concert night, how her valentines gifts had become smaller because he has to buy something for both of them now.

All conversations about her late father with her mother seemed to go back to one place and time : how intimate they had been before her. The places they had honeymooned and all the romantic things he did for her before Kala was born.

She often tell me these stories of how she believes her mother is jealous of their father daughter relationship. At the beginning it sounds quite petty and I’d often recommend things like “invite your mother to come/join, she feels lonely”, but later I realized it’s not so petty anymore. It’s absurd and a sad thing, that a 45 years old mother says things like “No woman should touch my husband” to her own daughter.

Due to this, Kala and her mother was never on good terms. They tolerated each other for sake of their father and when he died, they just headed different path.

It was good for Kala though that they are no longer on talking terms, nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life.

Are some mothers jealous of their daughters?

Managing Money, Commitment and Exceptions for our teens.

My answer to How do I get my parents to stop promising me money? Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

First of all, you can never expect to “get” someone to stop or start doing something. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t expect the money at all.

I would recommend you look for ways to earn money like getting a job, mowing lawns, raking leaves, shoveling snow, etc… Don’t sacrifice school for a job though. Be sure to keep up with your school work and doing your best.

Don’t make commitments you can’t keep, especially when the commitment depends upon someone else.

These are good lessons for life, commitments and being dependable. They are also excellent traits of successful entrepreneurs. I would recommend you read Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki.

You can get the book on iTunes or Amazon Kindle.

Just read the first two chapters and you’ll see why…I bet you’ll read the whole thing.

Thomas Zerbarini

How do I get my parents to stop promising me money?

I was adopted as a young child. Where do I start to find my birth mother?

Answer by

Thomas Zerbarini:

I would start with asking your current parents, if that’s possible, to help you. Then reach out to the adoption agency and ask them for assistance. many times there is a contact and/or “do not contact” request from the biological parents. The adoption agency may be able to contact the biological parents and find out if they want contact with their biological child.

I would suggest you consider going forward on this with a trusted support structure just in case this becomes an emotionally difficult process for you.

Thomas Zerbarini

I was adopted as a young child. Where do I start to find my birth mother?

Do pilots ever get vertigo?

My answer to Do pilots ever get vertigo?

The short answer is yes. I enjoy the thrill of high places but I do get that vertigo feeling at first looking off a high building.

In an airplane, it can and does happen all the time. In the very beginning of flight training pilots are taught to trust what they see, not what they feel. We are taught early on to trust our instruments.

We are trained in various situations that can introduce vertigo or spatial disorientation. Many of these maneuvers have multiple purposes during training including spatial awareness and orientation. These basic maneuvers include, turns around a point, steep spiral to landing, unusual attitudes and night flying.

During Instrument Rating training (when the only spatial references are the instruments in the airplane) we also introduce partial panel, unusual attitudes, steep turns etc…

The goal in training is to hone the pilots skills in trusting their instruments and ignore the vertigo/spatial disorientation that can occur during flight. Also, smooth and controlled handling of the airplane is emphasized to reduce disorientation.

Here is a short video from Why Planes Crash that deduced how Kennedy Jr may have lost control of his plane:

This is a tragic accident and highlights the need for receiving and completing good training.

One of the methods to reduce vertigo during flight is to minimize your head movement and keep your head straight. Move your eyes mostly and your head as little as possible. Do this during changes in pitch, bank attitude as well as constant turns.

Over time the feelings of spatial disorientation are minimized or go unnoticed due to proper training, experience and exposure to various levels of flying maneuvers.

Thomas Zerbarini

Do pilots ever get vertigo?

What do I do between graduating at Embry Riddle and being hired as a professional pilot?

My answer to What do I do between graduating at Embry Riddle and being hired as a professional pilot?

Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

First of all, being a professional pilot is a mindset, an attitude an approach to how you act and behave as a pilot. So, you are a professional if you act like one. Check out these Code of Ethics I’ve posted on my blog.

Thomas Zerbarini – Code of Ethics

When you graduate you should be seeking to build your flight time and experience. Being an instructor and teaching is one of the best ways to gain knowledge and experience. Also, check out the many charter outfits out there looking for pilots and first officers. Right now, many charter companies are struggling to find enough pilots.

I’d also recommend doing some volunteer work in your spare time. Local community stuff and some aviation interest at a museum or airport too.

Keep your social media professional too. I can’t stress that enough.

It is a great time to get started as a professional pilot. Keep plugging away at gaining good experience and developing a well rounded “you.”

Thomas Zerbarini

What do I do between graduating at Embry Riddle and being hired as a professional pilot?

My 15-year-old boy sneaks out of the house. What can I do?

My answer to My 15-year-old boy sneaks out of the house. What can I do? Answer by Thomas Zerbarini:

15 year old kids crave independence and freedom. They need and want to learn some things on their own.

Consider your statement of “a strict household.” I completely support good discipline, establishing rules and boundaries for children. As our kids get older they need more freedom to express and explore and learn.

I like the way Dr Julie Carbery put it in the article on Family Life,

Enter Dr. Julie Carbery, an adolescent and child psychotherapist, who has seen and heard it all in her twelve years of family practice. "What's going on is freedom. Freedom is cocaine to a teenager. It's intoxicating. It's addictive. And it is often their biggest motivator. They will do anything to get it, and they are terrified of losing it."

This article has great input and advice on managing teen freedom and building trust with your teen.

Freedom The Teen Addiction

Further, a great article on Positive Parenting Your Teen give a good broad spectrum of points to consider as you shift from young child to Tween/Teen parenting skills.

Parenting tweens can be a challenge. Here's how to stay connected.

I’d like to add that listening, patience, non-verbal gestures of Love, and consistency with your growing and changing children is so important. I’d consider them the foundation to good parenting.

Thanks for the opportunity to share and comment.

Thomas Zerbarini

My 15-year-old boy sneaks out of the house. What can I do?